- 04/22 – 30: Barcelona 🇪🇸
- 04/30 – 05/03: Hamburg 🇩🇪
- 05/03 – 11: Berlin 🇩🇪
- 05/11 – 18: Lagos 🇵🇹
If I ever meet Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the book Eat, Pray, Love, I would like to tell her that she should have picked up surfing while she was living in Bali, Indonesia. I was introduced to surfing during the company offsite in Cabos, Mexico in November, 2019. That morning of surfing changed my life — surfing became my first outdoor activity that I wanted to pursue.
In 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic, surfing became my escape route. My ex and I left NYC and settled near the ocean in New Jersey with his family. As soon as the ocean temperature got warmer, I cut off social media, picked up balance training, and tried to surf on my own in the Atlantic Ocean. I say “tried” because it didn’t go anywhere. I had the wrong board for my experience level — a 31L shortboard, which is used by experienced surfers. Beginners are recommended to use a longboard that is at least 60L for its buoyancy.
I never caught a single wave, but it wasn’t a futile attempt because I found joy and calm in the water instead of doom scrolling social media at home. I kept a surf journal detailing the weather, wave conditions, and how each session went. Once the COVID-19 restrictions were lifted and the world found normalcy, we moved to Miami, and I stopped surfing.
Four years later, I found myself in Lagos, Portugal, dressed in all black. I had put on my heaviest outfits—leather jacket, long sleeve shirt, pants, and knee-high boots—to lighten my suitcase for the flight. This turned out to be a good choice because our surf instructor, Moreno, was able to spot me easily amidst the crowd dressed in their vibrant summer outfits.
I was in Lagos for an all-women surf trip with Surf with Amigas (SWA). I found SWA on social media when I was living in Miami. Although I had stopped surfing, my desire to surf was still there. I promised myself that I would go on an SWA trip soon and I finally kept that promise this year. One of my goals for this year was to surf regularly in the Bay area. The retreat dates worked well with my Europe trip and coincided with my birthday, so I decided to join. I am happy to say that this retreat was an excellent experience, and I have surfed a few times already in the Bay area since returning to San Francisco.
There were six of us in the group. In San Francisco, I often find myself surrounded by younger people than me, usually in their late 20’s or early 30’s. But at the SWA retreat, I was the youngest. We had amigas from a wide range of age group: 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. Even though I am well aware that it is the attitude, not the age, that affects how you live. It was refreshing to be treated as the youngest. I was turning 35 in a few days and I have become more conscious of “aging” since the divorce because I took a big U-turn from the life that met all societal expectations for women.
As I was going through one of the biggest changes in my life, I loved hearing the stories of amigas who had gone through multiple life changes. Some had experienced what I was going through a long time ago and had since found new loves. Others had lost people they loved and were in the process of healing. Part of me wasn’t excited about the inevitable fact that I would experience more life changes as I aged.
I asked them, “What was the best thing you did in your 30s?” Their answers ranged from “having my children,” “pursuing work,” “finishing medical school and getting my PhD,” to “surfing.” All of them said they cared less about what others thought of them as they got older.
“maybe aging isn’t so bad.” I was excited about that part.
The daily schedule at SWA goes like this:
- breakfast
- surfing in the morning
- lunch at the beach
- optional surfing in the afternoon
- free time and one-on-one post-session video coaching with an instructor before dinner
- dinner
- evening activity
Each surf session is recorded, providing video footage of us surfing. I loved seeing the progress I made from Day 1 to Day 6.
My first surf day with SWA was a disaster. I overestimated my surf ability, and the closeout wave conditions made me nervous to be in the water. I struggled to keep up with the experienced amigas because I had only taken surf lessons catered to tourists in the past, where the instructor does all the heavy lifting — dragging you and your board to the lineup and pushing the board at the right time for the popup. It was at SWA that I finally learned crucial skills like how to paddle out to the lineup without burning energy, turtle rolling, looking where you want to go to turn, and how to turn the board without burning energy, and more. Fortunately, I had watched many surf video tutorials in the past, so I was familiar with these concepts. It was just my body’s turn to get familiar with them.
I got better at surfing every day. For the first two days, I focused on improving my popup position in the whitewash with an instructor. The waves were rough on those days, but the rough waves meant powerful whitewash for beginners to perfect their popup. On Day 3, we had excellent conditions for beginners at a remote beach with consistent small green waves. They were gentle enough that I felt confident practicing in them instead of the whitewash. I took my board to the closest green wave without the instructor. The amigas encouraged me to go to the lineup with them, but I wanted to practice on my own for a bit. From there, I studied which waves the instructors were cueing the amigas to catch. They were watching the horizon for medium-sized bumps, and I applied that to my practice. I made a beginner mistake of not paddling strong and early enough before the green wave reached me, but this experience came in handy on Days 4, 5, and 6 when I finally surfed in the lineup on my own.
Endurance is the key to surfing. My favorite lesson of all was to study the water before paddling out. Lucia, an SWA instructor, told me after watching me burning all my energy paddling out: “Study the water first. If the water is shallow enough, take your board to the side with the board facing the ocean and walk as much as you can instead of paddling. Then, walk or paddle to the edge of the whitewash zone and wait for the set of waves to pass”. This means instead of jumping into the water right away, wait for the a major lull in the waves that come for a 2 to 5 minute period about every 10 minutes. My biggest mistake on Day 1 was paddling out right away without studying the water first. The crushing waves constantly pushed me back towards the shore. I fought back and burned unnecessary energy, leaving me wanting to rest by the time I reached the lineup.
I made significant progress at SWA. On Days 4 and 5, Moreno encouraged me to catch a wave on my own. I thought it was too soon, but the waves were small enough that I agreed to try. Moreno held my board in the water and asked me to popup multiple times until I corrected my position and started to look forward instead of down. When I finally caught a green wave on my own, I heard my fellow amigas cheering me, ‘You caught the wave of the day.’ I was so happy and thanked the universe for keeping me safe when I surfed alone with a wrong board in NJ. Many things could have gone wrong.
I turned 35 on the last day of SWA. I woke up to the house covered in balloons. Laila, the coolest trip leader and surf instructor of SWA, decorated the house early in the morning. I used to say that I don’t like big birthday parties for myself because I don’t want too much attention. I have always preferred to give rather than receive, but I am realizing that this may stem from a fear of rejection and that I should no longer be shy about receiving. I will always give though :). I loved all the attention I got on my birthday at SWA. We had the tiniest, mellow waves that day, but it was still fun. I couldn’t stop smiling and catching waves on my own.
At our last dinner together, we shared a birthday cake. As I blew out the candle, I made a wish to cherish that special moment during what can be seen as a turbulent stage of my life, to always learn and experience new things and live my life fully.
After Thoughts
There were mostly ups on this Europe trip, but I also faced a few major downs. My Barcelona AirBnB kitchen was infested with cockroaches, which I only discovered on the last day when I had to wake up early for my flight to Germany. My return to San Francisco was painful — I missed my flight from BCN to SFO and got the second-worst food poisoning of my life during my extra stay in Barcelona. Some of these mishaps were due to my own mistakes, and I learned many lessons about traveling. I was very stressed at the time and wished it had ended better. But in hindsight, writing this almost two months later, I’m just grateful that I made it out okay.
Since my return to San Francisco, I have re-evaluated the bucket list I curated before the trip — what is it that you truly want to do in this new phase of life? My time in Barcelona reminded me to embrace tourist curiosity in my own city, San Francisco. San Francisco has a unique culture and history. I want to spend time appreciating the city beyond its tech bubbles. Hamburg reminded me how fortunate I am to have the friends I’ve had for close to two decades. Always make time to visit old friends. Berlin reminded me to go to music events (no one is too old to go to dance parties) and to take the initiative in cultivating friendships, just as SH did for me. Lagos encouraged me to spend more time in nature, seek out new adventures, challenge myself, and keep surfing.
There are still days when I cry randomly and dream about our dog and what we had, waking up with heartache each time. But there have been happy and fun moments too. I’ve been actively pursuing this new bucket list — from regularly surfing in the Bay Area with the coolest amiga to initiating going to music events and hosting guests at my place to finally getting a car to seek more adventures in nature.
I am excited to lead this new phase of life.
